Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
