when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just found puke in my bra..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Randomize
