you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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