I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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