I am puke
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize