Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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