i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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