another moral hangover. fuck.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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