I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
