I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize