y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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