May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
