McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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