He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
