wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
