Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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