Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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