Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think my moral compass just broke
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize