hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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