Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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