apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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