I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I had to cum in my sink.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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