i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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