she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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