I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize