I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
