Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
