Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
