So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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