I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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