I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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