I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My ATM looks so different sober.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
