i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
