Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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