Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
