EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize