in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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