I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
