I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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