dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
