y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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