Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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