So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
