Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
