OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We have started to decorate penises.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
