some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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