Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
