At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
