JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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