My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
