thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
