U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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