the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
