I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
