can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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