can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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