dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
