Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
