omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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