Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize