Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
