One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
