"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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