i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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