It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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