Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
