we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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